The response from the audience was both positive and loud. From that moment I was hooked. This is what I have wanted to do ever since.

 

It’s been almost 19 years since that night. The high school garage band I played with that evening has long since broken up. I have moved countless times through multiple states. I have written hundreds of songs about my experiences.  I have recorded four full-length albums and one EP. I have toured 16 of these United States. I have traveled over 100,000 miles. I have played hundreds of live performances. I have played with countless talented musicians. I have seen bands come and go. I have met some incredible people and built some life-long friendships. I have given up and started over an infinite amount of times. I have been given the rare opportunity to document my story on film. There have been a lot of ups and downs and through it all, I keep coming back to the same thing: this is what I want to do.

 

Many times throughout my journey I have heard the common expression "if you want to make it, you have to pay your dues." I am "paying my dues" because I do want to "make it," but “making it,” is a relative term. I used to think it meant playing a certain venue to a certain number of people or selling a certain number of albums. If this could happen or if that could happen then I would feel successful. Once and for all I am letting go of that paradigm.

 

Laozi was a philosopher and poet of ancient China. He is best known as the reputed author of the Tao Te Ching. He is quoted as saying, “there is no way to happiness; happiness is the way.” I truly believe that grateful and happy walk hand in hand and to always want is to always be in want. These are three definitions I have been pondering.

 

Want /wänt,wônt/ verb; to lack or be short of something desirable or essential.

Thankful /ˈTHaNGkfəl/ adjective; pleased and relieved.

Happy /ˈhapē/ adjective; feeling or showing pleasure or contentment.

 

I have spent a great deal of the past 19 years in want or thinking I lack something essential. I have made the mistake of not being thankful for all that I have been given and therefore I have not always been as happy as I could have been.

 

I am left recognizing that my mistakes are a form of currency that have allowed me to purchase so many lessons. I can admit that in my life thankful has always been an underdog to want. I miss out on what I have because I am focused on wanting more. I am tired of wanting more; instead, I am thankful for what I have and I am happy.

 

Somehow

 

This sure didn’t turn out the way I saw it in my head

Not ready to throw in the towel or give up just yet

I never said I thought it would be easy I guess I don’t know what I thought

But I know I’ve paid with all these mistakes for the lessons that I bought

 

I sure need to learn how to live outside of my own head

I’ve had my fair share of being down and full of regret

I never said I thought it would be easy but I finally know what I want

To live in a place of genuine thanks for everything I’ve got